A disappointing excursion to game at the weekend has finally confirmed what I have suspected to be the case for some time now. There are no good games on the Xbox 360. No"wait, let me re-phrase that. There are no games I want to play on 360.
In short, 360 is for boys. Little boys with gun fixations. Little boys with gun fixations and a passing interest in women with big boobs.
In an industry that is largely aimed at boys with gun fixations that's not a particularly controversial or inflammatory statement. However, Microsoft is taking the whole ‘boys' toys' remit to 11.
A cursory glance down the Xbox 360 releases reveals a raft of war-based games, nestling alongside NBA 2006 and Let's Play More Sports Sims Death Jam 2006. There really is nothing that even vaguely floats my boat.
It's not as if my X chromosomes have cursed me with a pre-disposed aversion to games featuring blood, guns and sexy women. On the contrary, you my dear play chums will know that I am well versed in the way of the gun. I enjoy Halo, DOA and House of the Dead along with the next man or woman. But surely there's more to gaming than war and cars.
The current releases for 360 include Chrome Hounds, Over G Fighters, Dynasty Warriors, Far Cry, Hitman: Blood Money and LOTR: The Battle for Middle Earth II. Oh and not forgetting NBA 2K6 and Table Tennis because we all like a bit of sport, just in case there isn't any on TV.
A look at the boxes of these games reveals the gurning faces of men, smeared with grease, blood and dirt. They're clutching guns/swords/axes (delete as appropriate) in a steely grip and behind them huge swathes of other men clutching similar weaponry battle each other on a rolling hillside. If it's not gurning men, it's a cityscape with the crap being bombed out of it and if it's neither of those it's shiny cars or motorbikes.
I'm just getting tired of titles littered with the words, blood, battle, fighter, warrior, crisis, war, honor and army of. And if it's not in the title then the game entails a totally immersive war situation. Who wants to be immersed in war? I certainly don't, I'm quite happy with my quiet, yet surprisingly chic life in the burbs thank you very much.
The games industry is forever trying to liken itself to the movie industry, but since when did the movie industry only make war movies? I mean since John Wayne died we haven't more than three war movies released in one year, but the games industry insists on recreating war. I know games lend themselves well to a war situation, but if I have to re-enact one more famous battle from WWII I'm going to scream. And yes, it's easy to use a war situation in a game – look at chess for instance. But it's easy and there's the rub.
I don't want games that are easy to make, I want new and challenging (and that doesn't just mean hard as nails). The only game still worth playing on 360 at the moment is Elder Scrolls. And one look at the upcoming releases sends a shudder of despair through my entire being – more urban dystopia, wars, battles and Tom Clancy titles.
The last hope is Lego Star Wars and a Japanese RPG that's caught my eye called Trusty Bell – Dream of Chopin. It's dared to be different and not be an FPS for a start and the graphics look painterly and pretty rather that gritty and visceral.
And then the industry wonders why girls don't play games. I'm a gamer and I'm struggling at the moment, so lord help anyone who has a less than intimate relationship with science fiction and the weapons of war.
I don't want to swing my sword at any more orcs and I definitely don't want to rally the troops on the battlefield and shout commands at them while going deaf in one ear due to the enemy shell that just fell at my feet. I don't want to feel the whistle of bullets past my ear and marvel at the rag doll physics on my men as they take heavy fire.
I don't know what I do want, but I don't want that"anymore"please!
Most played: Dicewars
Most wanted: The Witcher