Who said time's relative? I thought time was supposed to fly when you're having fun, but sling a few deadlines my way and time virtually disappears. The Christmas rush is upon us, which means hastily arranged social engagements, post office queues, ludicrous amounts of shopping and enough food to see you through a ten year siege. Add to that numerous deadlines being flung at me left right and centre and I literally don't have a moment to play games.
What!?
Yes, you heard (or read) me right. I have no time to play games. In the week that the Wii is launched (always a step behind in Europe) I haven't got two seconds to rub together.
My elven ranger (not even sure that's what my profession is it's been so long) is sitting in stasis in the world of Oblivion. She's hanging mid-quest in a no-man's land of hither and thitherness. I know my next move and where I want to go, who I need to speak to and which woods I want to explore, but something or someone always draws me away.
And that's not even the worst of it. The worst of it is I have a virgin copy of Viva Piñata sitting patiently on top of my TV waiting to be wrested from its plastic casing and slotted into my 360. However, I fear that it could be waiting in vain.
As gamers, time is not on our side. Time is the thing that disappears without a trace when we're playing and slips through our fingers when we're not. If only we really did have all the time in the world, as Louis Armstrong once promised us.
I know Christmas is supposed to be a time of fun and frolics and an excuse to get together with everyone you love to say "hurrah!" and "yay" and stuff, but sometimes don't you just wish they'd all bugger off? I mean puh-lease, can I just have a moment to do nothing. Just one little moment to sit around and think, "Well, what now?"
Maybe it's my own fault and I just need to learn to say "no – bugger off, my much-loved friend." Or maybe I need to say "pish to your money employer, I'm going to fester at home and do sweet F.A."
Now I understand why gamers stay up late. It's because there's no other bloody time to play anything. I mean I've stayed up with the best of them until the small hours getting Lara past swinging blades and trying to do a 360 Christ Air followed by the longest rail grind known to humanity, but once you actually get a job the whole sleep depravation thing seems a little more difficult. When all I had to do was try to look awake in a lecture, life was so much easier, even though that seemed like a hardship at the time. But now people expect things from me and it's so tiresome because I just want to level up and eat snacks.
Life was good when all you had to do was level up and eat snacks. A crisis then was running out of snacks. But now a crisis is sleeping through your alarm and being woken up by a phone call from your boss. Or worse the trains being delayed and being late for work. What's that all about? Since when did less time at work get to be a bad thing? Something's melded my mind!
Yes dear play chums be alarmed, be very alarmed! When we start fretting about being late for work, things have taken a dark and bitter twist.
Growing up sucks kids. You literally get less time in this world and less time to do anything except work *sigh*. Not only were games better when you were younger, but you don't even get time to play the new ones so you can legitimately complain about them.
Most played: Did you not just read my column?
Most wanted: A moment to play Viva Piñata