Welcome Time Wasters!
Don’t you just love it when something goes wrong? Yeah, me neither. I had a stick of RAM bite the dust this week and it’s gotten in the way of my time wasting. I’ve got new sticks on order, but they just weren’t quite in yet.
Normally losing a stick of RAM wouldn’t keep me from playing a Time Waster. I mean, let’s be honest here. Many of the game I play for this feature don’t exactly require the best specs around. Still, I was planning to record this week (I know. It’s been awhile), but holding a steady framerate is hard on a gimped computer.
With my normal plans exhausted I switched to my backup: the internet. Luckily I was able to find a game that just screamed Time Waster fairly easily. That game is Naked Man.
Naked Man is a side-scrolling shooter that puts players in the role of a fully-clothed individual. Alright, I lied. The guy is completely naked. It’s not by choice mind you. He wants to be clothed, but three strange cat things (they remind me of Freiza from DBZ) have stolen his clothes and Naked Man has no choice but to chase after them in the nude.
Naked Man isn’t a very long game. There are three stages with a boss waiting at the end of each one. The player can pick up different weapons along the way to make their trip easier, but a single hit will put them back to the basic blaster. Players can also take a total of five hits before they die.
Honestly, none of the stages in Naked Man are very long and the bosses aren’t very hard either. I died a few times on my first run, but the game throws lives at the player like it thinks they’re going to need them (you won’t).
Naked Man kind of felt like Contra. The ability to shoot up and down is present and many of the extra guns were reminiscent of those found in the Konami classic. However, the game definitely had its own flavor by throwing in weapons like the giant boomerang and a chainsaw with the word “Die” written on it in blood.
Naked Man’s limited playtime doesn’t make it a bad Time Waster, but it’s also a little too short. It only takes about 10 minutes to beat. There’s no reason to play through a second time as there aren’t achievements or other extras. It’s fast-paced and fun, but dang short.
The graphics in Naked Man are very low on detail. I figure this was done on purpose as a bit of compassion for the players. However, there are a few parts of the game that really stick out. Namely Shenlong in the second boss fight (Wow!. Two DBZ references in one go).
The audio in Naked Man is lacking, and I actually mean that. There’s actually no music in the game outside of boss fights. I think this was meant to make them more epic, but it really just made the constant sound effect from shooting more noticeable, which in turn made it more annoying.
Overall, Naked Man isn’t bad, but it’s not all that great either. If you’ve got 10 minutes to kill between classes or on your lunch break, it might be worth your time, but just barely.
Naked Man earns 2.5 GiN Gems out of 5!